Leaving
by Nakii-Ilylac
Summary: Edward's prospective on leaving Bella in New Moon and his reaction to her death. I know the second one is kinda short.... but review please!
1. Chapter 1

AN: Okay so all of the dialogue is from New Moon, which all belongs to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own it!

Edward POV

"Bella we're leaving" We had to, before we hurt her, it's for her own good, I repeated to myself like a mantra. Reminding myself exactly why I had to do this. I watched as she took a deep breath.

"Why now? Another year" She doesn't understand, she thinks we're leaving because we have to leave Forks. No Bella. I don't have to leave Forks, I have to leave you.

"Bella it's time. How much longer could we stay in Forks after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start all over soon regardless" The lies slipped easily from my mouth.

"When you say we-" She was understanding now. I just wanted to take her in my arms and hold her for the rest of eternity. I cut over her, my words cold and distant.

"I mean my family and myself". She shook her head slowly from side to side and I watched her reaction carefully. I waited a few minutes until she spoke again.

"Okay, I'll come with you" I wanted her to. So badly. She was making this so difficult.

"You can't Bella. Where we're going…it's not the right place for you"

"Where you are is the right place for me." No it's not. I'm not good for her. This was the one thought I could say out loud, but not at all the one I wanted to.

"I'm no good for you Bella"

"Don't be ridiculous. You're the very best part of my life." I could hear the anger and pleading in her voice. Bella you are my life. I wanted to tell her that. She had brushed aside the danger my presence imposes on her like she always did, convincing me that I was doing the right thing. She would be better this way. This time, I didn't let a lie slip but the truth instead.

"My world is not for you"

"What happened with Jasper that was nothing Edward. Nothing" Nothing? It was everything. It had been inevitable. What had I been thinking letting her into a house full of vampires?

"You're right. It was exactly what was to be expected"

"You promised. In phoenix you promised you would stay" I know I did Bella, and I'm so sorry. But I have to do this.

" As long as that was best for you" And it's not, I convinced myself.

"NO. This is about my soul isn't it? Carlisle told me about that and I don't care. You can have my soul. I don't want it without you- it's yours already." I could tell she was furious. Her words cut through me and I felt my composure waver at this point. She was my soul in every sense of the word. But it wasn't just about her soul, it was her whole life. I had to make her understand. I took a deep breath and looked away from her. I knew I would regret what I was about to say for the rest of my existence. I hated myself for even thinking it. I felt like it would kill me to say it, but I had to. She wasn't letting go. I grimaced slightly at the damage I knew my next words were bound to cause. I looked up, my gaze cold.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me" I watched her eyes fill up with tears. She believed me? After all the times I told her that I couldn't live without her, the pain of that realisation was excruciating.

"You…don't…want me?" her voice trembled. Hatred poured through me.  
"No" She looked into my eyes and it was an effort to keep my gaze harsh.

"Well that changes things" I was shocked at the calm tone of her voice. It killed me to see how well she was taking this but at the same time, I was grateful that this was easier for her than it was for me. I would never want her to feel the agony that I was feeling now. I looked away into the trees. Although I didn't want to hurt her, I had to do this thoroughly.

"Of course, I'll always love you…in a way" I knew my love for her would be unwavering, for the rest of my existence. "But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… _tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not Bella. I'm not human" It was ironic, but as I said this, I had never felt more human in my life. During my many years as a vampire, I had never experienced this kind of pain before. "I've lat this go on much too long and I'm sorry for that"

"Don't" her voice was barely above a whisper now. "Don't do this" Her broken words made my dead heart ache. I didn't want to do this, but I had to.

"You're not good for me Bella" She was perfect. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. I watched her struggle, my body numb.

"If…that's what you want" It was the last thing in the world that I wanted, but it was what she needed. I nodded, unable to speak. After a moment I forced my words out.

"I would ask a favour though, if that's not too much" I needed her to do this for me. I watched as a flicker of pain crossed her face. Guilt rushed through me and I tried not to let it reflect in my expression.

"Anything" she said, her voice slightly stronger. That was all it took. One word and my entire façade dropped. I looked at her, my eyes burning with love and regret.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid" My voice no longer detached, but overwhelmed with emotion. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" Please, _please_ listen to me. She nodded, confused. "I'm thinking of Charlie of course. He needs you" I need you. "Take care of yourself- for him" For me. She nodded again.

"I will" Relief flooded through me and I relaxed slightly.

"And I'll make you a promise in return" I owed her this much. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed" I watched as her legs shook. I smiled sadly, hating myself. "Don't worry you're human-your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind" I begged that it would.

"And your memories?" She asked, her words choked.

"Well" I paused. My memories of her would haunt me for the rest of eternity. " I won't forget, But my kind…we're very easily distracted" I had to leave now, or I wouldn't be able to. I took a step back, despising the distance between my body and hers.

"That's everything I suppose. We won't bother you again"

"Alice isn't coming back" I watched her mouth the words soundlessly. I shook my head slowly, not moving my eyes from her face.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye" And it's destroying me.

"Alice is gone?"

"She wanted to say goodbye but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you" I sincerely hoped that I was right. Alice didn't think so. I glanced at Bella. She looked physically sick her breathing was ragged. I had to leave. Now.

"Goodbye Bella" I love you, I added silently as I turned to leave.

"Wait!" I spun round and saw her reaching out for me. I reached out for her too, desperate to feel her warm body against mine, but instead I locked my hands around her wrists and pinned them to her sides. I could feel her pulse beneath my fingertips. I leaned down and kissed her forehead gently.

"Take care of yourself" I whispered, my cold breath on her skin. And then, taking advantage of her closed eyes, I left her, running deep into the woods. I was gone, leaving her standing alone and vulnerable. When I was far enough away, I fell to my knees, dry sobs racking my body.

Love, life, meaning…over.

AN: Reviews are welcome, I might do another scene in Edward's POV if people like this one!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: This is when Edward receives the news that Bella is dead in New Moon and his reaction. If you like it, review please!

Edward POV

I put the phone down with shaking hands. My unnecessary breaths came in ragged gasps as the boy's words echoed in my head.

"He's at the funeral"

Dry sobs racked through my body as I shouted Bella's name over and over again.

"NO NO NO NO"

This wasn't supposed to happen. She was supposed to have a long life, get married, and have children. Not die. She wasn't supposed to die. I felt like my dead heart had been ripped out of my chest. I was completely empty. Numb. I had no purpose and no meaning now her soul had left this earth. She had been too good for this world, too good for me. Pain cascaded over me as I realised she had died believing I didn't love her. How could I possibly live without her? Never see her blush scarlet again, never hear her laugh, see her beautiful smile, never feel her warm body against mine. The thought of another hour without Bella was unbearable, let alone an eternity. I hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. To tell her I loved her. I couldn't take it anymore. I threw my fist into the wall, breaking it apart. A disbelieving snicker left my lips; I felt no relief as I had felt no pain. I hugged my knees in a desperate attempt to fill the emptiness; my arms should be wrapped around Bella, keeping her safe, protecting her….

The thoughts of a hundred people were a meaningless buzz in my mind; my own thoughts were overriding everything and everyone. I doubled over in agony as my mind replayed the last time I had seen my angel. Another sob shook me as I layed curled up in a ball on the damp ground, letting the misery overtake me. All I could think about was her, every word she had ever spoken to me, every look, every touch, every kiss. I don't know how long I sat like that contemplating on the agonising concept of life without Bella. I couldn't get our last conversation out of my head.

"You…don't…want me?"

"No"

I'd do anything to take this pain away; my whole life was empty without her. There was only one path left for me now. One that I'd always known I would take, I just didn't think it would be this soon. I walked towards the door.

"I love you Bella, I'll be with you again soon"


End file.
